Most people see the holidays as all 'holly jolly' and not so much 'ho, ho, ho, hum'...and I truly wish that was the case for everyone, always! Unfortunately, that's now how it works...especially when you've experienced the loss of a pregnancy, infant, or child.
Disenfranchised grief {the grief you experience when your grieving journey doesn't fit into our larger society's attitude about dealing with death and loss} often happens when a child dies; and it presents an extra layer of emotional distress during the holidays. Embedded in 'the holidays' are the acts of reminiscing, creating and/or continuing traditions, and spending time with family.
When you experience an 'out of order' death - like the death of a child - you're not only missing their physical presence throughout the festivities but also creating those lifelong memories. I cannot think of a single loss-mom who has shared a holiday story with me and HASN'T shared a story of baby's first ornament/stocking/present/lighting ceremony/holiday onesie...that never got to happen.
I have no doubt that loss-parents want to feel joy through this season {I know that I do, if for no other reason than to give my nephews the childhood memories they deserve to have} - and also - it will always be tainted bittersweet by what 'could have been'...
If you are in the same boat sleigh as I am, or know someone who's experiencing an extra tough holiday season, consider exploring My Top 13 Tips to Soften the Holiday Season. Not only are there things you can do for yourself to ease the emotions - there are also things you can do to help others survive all the activities and festivities of the yuletide. And, be sure to check out lucky number 13 - it's my all time favorite!
What is your favorite way to support yourself or your griever through the holidays? Did I miss your favorite bit of advice? Send me an email and let me know!
